Welcome to TEOTWAWKI

Zombies and the Vampires who made them.

“Courage, my friends; ’tis not too late to build a better world.”- Tommy Douglas

Once upon a time, yesterday, in a land next to your suburb, a group of Vampires hatched a plan for world domination. This was a more original plan then the standard ‘slaughter-everyone-and-take-their-stuff’ standby. It was more advanced then the ‘brain-wash-the-masses-to-do-our-bidding’ fascist go-to method. No, THIS plan was far better. The Vampires figured out a way to get the ‘masses’ to ‘slaughter-everybody-and-turn-over-their-stuff’ while literally ‘crushing’ any opposition. The best part? They slipped the right poison into the airwaves, and whenever any person let fear and greed take control of their mind, they gave up their will, and served the Vampires as living-dead lackeys. Self-Brain-Washing. The Vampires were ecstatic.

So, today you are walking along, minding your own business, having panic attacks over the broken economy and plethora of wars, and out jumps a Zombie. And of course, your FIRST reaction is “When did ‘Walking Dead’ become interactive?”

But after that split second thought, your survival instinct kicks in, and you race to your car. Once locked inside, you speed down the highway, and dial 911.

“911, What is your emergency…aggghhhhh…..” That’s when you hear it, the crushing of skull bones. The sloppy sucking of brain fluid. No one is coming to help you.

Thankfully, Zombies HATE the taste of internet cable, so after googling ‘Zombie Apocalypse’ you end up here. Below is a step by step plan of what to do when everything you knew, everything that formerly met your needs, is gone.

Now, don’t drive off a cliff.


“Our rebellion is all that remains to push back the Empire. Do you think you might be able to help us?” – Rogue One Star Wars

Safety: The first thing you need to do is to find a place of safety, defend it, and find other people to help run your resistance. Now, I know what you’re thinking: you cannot trust ANYBODY, so you’ve decided to ‘Mad Max’ it. You will draw a hand print on a ball and chat with it over your newly hunted dinner.

Thhhaaaaatttsssssss- probably not going to work. Even if you DO have they myriad of skills needed for survival in a totally alien environment (most don’t), and even if you DO manage to single-handedly fight off and defend your position, one of two things will eventually happen:

  1. You’re going to go a little nutty. Most human beings cannot go indefinitely with some socialization.
  2. You’re going to stub you toe, have it get infected, and die of gang green because you don’t have the skills to manage ALL aspects of your health single-handedly.

The two reasons above are why even in primitive, tribal societies, there was STILL some job specialization. And companionship. So, now it is time for you to find a SAFE basis of operations, and other like-minded non-zombies to help you run it. Very large cities are unlikely to have the necessary inputs to sustain life. They are also likely to have pockets of Zombies, or other human factions that will not get along with yours. So, forget metropolises. However, smaller cities that prioritize local food, social justice, equality, and good stewardship might be OK. As long as they are able to be fortified. The same goes for rural areas. If you go to a place so secluded that there is no one else to work and trade with, it is likely you will not do well. However, an agreeable small community with a collection of labour skills, and the same driving purpose would be ideal. Again, it must be defensible.

Priority 1: Shelter, Water, Food, Energy:

  1. Go to a zombie free area. The FIRST thing everyone does in disaster movies, is go out to the boonies to escape. This is not totally bad advice, but what if several cities are zombie free, self-sustaining, and fortified? Wouldn’t you be better off there?So, when choosing a safe area to live, consider the following:
    1. Physical Shelter: Houses, bunkers, boats, sports stadiums, abandoned malls. Shelter should be able to repel all local weather. A good rule is that if a person can kick through the walls, it is crap. The relaxation of building codes in some places in the first world have led to houses with walls consisting of no more then rigid styrofoam insulation, drywall, plastic wrap, and siding. NO. This would not even hold up in a stable society! You DON’T want a building that will topple onto you because of an extra-strong squirrel fart!Example of improvised housing – Container homes: http://gracie-senseandsimplicity.blogspot.ca/2011/05/shipping-container-homes-6-inspiring.html
    2. Food growing ability: Is there enough land, water, and sunlight to grow food? Is the land full of radioactive waste? Has the topsoil been eroded? What is growing there now? (See ‘Food’ post)
    3. Is the water plentiful, clean, and safe to drink? Do you have CONTROL over the water supply? I.E. if you get water from a river, how can you be assured that Vampire conspirator has not dropped in poison up-stream? Don’t laugh, this is a VERY common siege tactic.(See Basic Skills post)
    4. What is the weather and the growing season like? A location with terrible winters is harder for Zombies, etc to invade (just ask Hitler about the Russian winter), but that means consideration should be given to food production challenges brought by a shorter growing season.
    5. How many reinforcements are there to repel an attack?
      (See Resistance post)
    6. How many able-bodied workers are there to run the fortress? How will you have a medium of exchange for internal trade? PEOPLE ARE WEALTH. Everyone has something to contribute.
      (See ‘Economics’ post)
    7. Energy: There are MANY ways to make and harness energy that do not involve huge power plants. (See ‘Energy’ Post)The author assumes no

      responsibility for the use or misuse of the

      information contained in these documents,
      or the content of websites listed.

      The content of this blog is not guaranteed for accuracy, reliability, safety, or legality in all jurisdictions. It is presented for educational purposes only. You are responsible for your own actions. Refer to manufacturer documentation for safety.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s